In such a short space of time,
everything can change.
It’s true what they say you know, “You never really know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.”
You see, I’ve always considered myself to be one who perseveres against all odds. Someone who truly endures this tumultuous, adversity filled life. Someone who just keeps going!
I always remind myself, “If I haven’t overcome, then it surely can’t be the end.”
Many things in my life have left me reeling, wounded and dubious. However, all in all, I’ve had no choice but to endure. No choice but to move beyond defeat.
For the race is not for the swift but he who can endure it.
For over these past 16 months I’ve been battling an agonizing spinal cord injury. Sciatica quickly tagged along, cauda equina syndrome came for the ride, paresthesia came to shake things up ALTHOUGH trigeminal neuralgia done had me in a chokehold.
Some days I’m still experiencing ghost pains from dislocating my jaw; neck pains still lingering and I’ve been having to rely on using a cane (because my back slips out whenever it wants and causes me to fall). Some mornings I can’t get up solely because the pain is beyond debilitating and this has zilch to do with the neuralgia and my limbs spazzing and seizing up!
Many times I think I’d rather cease to exist due to experiencing this level of pain every. single. day. but I believe that I’ll fully recover. Yes, I am beyond exhausted. Yes, I get frustrated. Yes, I worry about every aspect but I am trying my best to take it one moment at a time, one day at a time. Slow and steady…
Even though it feels like the world and everything is crashing all around you; feels like joy and happiness are sucked from within and you’re left lifeless. It feels like you can’t go on; like you rather not exist.
Feels like night could meet day and it wouldn’t matter.
Feels a lot like, ” WHY ME!?”
I’m rambling on about this to say, if I can endure… so can you.
Just keep going.
You can overcome anything.
You can accomplish anything.
Exercise it out, meditate it out, cry it out, scream it out, write it out in your notes app, talk to a trusted someone. Please don’t give up. Everything happening at this point in time won’t always be this way.
You’ll look back in a couple months or even years and be so proud of yourself.
Trust me, I’ve overcome many things, big and small, and I can only keep going. I’m proud of my progress, no matter how bittersweet it is at times.
Small progress is still progress.
In lieu of COVID 19 and Barbados’ lockdown, I’m worried about treatment, about when I’ll even get these two other MRIs, about starting acupuncture, and mostly about possibly being at high risk during this pandemic.
I’m hoping that everyone is staying home and being safe. I’m sending well wishes and strength to everyone, especially those persons on the frontline.
Amidst this, I’m trying to focus on things I can do to improve myself. Taking this time to spruce up my goals and their execution; I’m analyzing current habits and restructuring them, starting some hobbies and of course resting because I still need to avoid stress, overexertion, and flare-ups. I’m particularly trying my utmost to reduce my media intake so I don’t overwhelm and consume myself with excess information and opinionated content to the point where I become anxious and succumb to my worries and fears.
I’ve definitely been taking this time to be introspective. Maybe you can too.
Please stay safe and remember, this too shall pass.
– Diandra C.