Trapped by Fear and Worry

Walking in circles in my mind again…

Where do I even begin?

Sometimes I wish I knew what I was doing. Sometimes I wish I were more confident in my dreams and aspirations that I’d just take life by the throat and make it my bitch. Squeezing success and fulfillment from its lungs.

Worrying has been a major struggle for me for as long as I can remember. I worry about how something I say or do would be received, about what I should eat. I worry about death, my future, about my loved ones, about mistakes I’ve made, decisions I need to make… I worry about so many aspects of this journey called life. I mostly wonder if I’ll ever know what I’m doing? Will I ever be fulfilled, will I ever be successful?

I seem to be trapped by my worries and fears. Drowning in despair.

You see fear cripples me, I try to dissect it for what it is. I try to find ways around this trap but this proves a losing game. I later corner it, try to decapitate it, hide it, bury it, but in three days it’s back again. Ready and waiting.

My fears have resurrected and surrounded me. I see no way out but I frantically grasp for the hope of escape.

Walking in circles again, trying to figure out where this shit begins and ends.

Preventing these thoughts prove difficult, I know not how to win.

I look within and devise a plan. The question started as “ How do I stop myself from being engulfed by fear and worry?” then after deliberation slowly morphed into, “ How much time can I allot to worrying per day?”.

You see, we can’t eradicate worry or fears. Sadly we simply cannot, but anything we do can be done in moderation so why not reduce the time spent worrying?

The reduction of time spent worrying and delving into my fears proved futile, so the next phase of the plan was to take note of all of my worries and fears, as detailed as I could, and focus on the things I can change. So I could spend all my time worrying about making those better instead.

A major worry of mine was never being a good writer and not being consistent in my content creation. The first thing I realized was that I shouldn’t be afraid of something that I haven’t put my all into pursuing as yet. I’ve somehow fallen into the notion of being a failure and not good enough without giving my dreams a good shot. Wow. I’m sure this isn’t the only instance.

This revelation reminded me of a quote I saw on Pinterest one day that said, “ Be afraid but do it anyway.”

I also made the conscious decision to not be stagnant and waste my time worrying about those things I can’t change and to spend my time working on the things that I can. Such as focusing on my skills and talents that are synonymous with my dreams, and finding ways to bridge them to create fulfillment and a progressive path towards goal attainment.

Worrying and being fearful is a part of this life. It’s sadly inevitable but like the Pinterest quote says, Be afraid and do it anyway.

I wouldn’t say worrying about circumstances is all bad neither because from this may stem ideas on how to improve our lives and those in it. Overall it’s all about how often we succumb to worries and fears, how we cope and what we do with this fear and worry.

Take it all one step at a time. Day by day, moment by moment.

Remember to never give up! and it’s always a good day to take life by the throat.